Week Two

Today began the second week of classes. The only class I'm particularly excited about is English (of course, right?). My professor encourages us to fight issues that are present in the writings we've read and be aware of the social standards that the authors include, which is exactly what I try to produce in my creative writing, so I hope I will enjoy looking at it in that context.

I have had some problems with classes that I may have to relay at a more appropriate time when I'm much less stressed and angry at the class--and professor--itself. There is one thing that I've learned from this ordeal and I will advise you right now. In college, no one goes out of their way to help you. I have gotten the run-around so many times and blamed for things that were not my fault that I've become so upset to the point where I want to just stop and yell at everyone. At this point, I have lost all hope that people want to help someone. C'est la vie. That's about as much detail as I can go into right now, but on to a much happier subject.

The few things getting me through these two weeks are my family, friends, and music. Without these, I would surely be more bored and lonely than I have ever been.

I speak to my family probably at least twice a day. I live vicariously through them and hearing how life continues so easily and normally without me makes me both happy and sad. I know it's selfish and ridiculous, but I am envious of their continued lives. Recently I've just wanted to travel and live out of country, become an expatriate, write, read, live, have fun. I think it's my older self speaking, but I honestly don't believe I will change much in the rest of my life. I am ready to start living, not waiting to be done with school and mundane jobs. I look at young people (the Olympics was the worst) and feel like I am capable of so much like they have accomplished at my age, but I haven't taken a flying leap to find out. Long story short, my family tries to understand me. I know sometimes they can't figure out my thought process but I am grateful for them trying and at least listening to my babbling everyday.

Just as close as family, my friends are honestly my saving grace. I am not sure if I could ever be friends with myself if I was placed in the same position. I am a typically private person (this blog takes a lot out of me), and sometimes don't communicate well or very frequently. Somehow, they all understand and just take it at face-value and not personally. And it honestly isn't anything personal. Sometimes I need to deal with issues alone and I like to be without my phone, or computer, or anything other than my mind and some time. Not that my life is in any way dramatic or that hectic, but it is not uncommon for me to (unintentionally) ignore my friends. I don't know if I would continue to stay friends with someone like me who makes getting close difficult, so thank you. You know who you are.

Lastly, I believe writing and music go hand-in-hand. There's almost no time where I'm not listening to music. Depending on my mood, my playlist varies from Indie Rock to Pop to Latino Rock. My music typically follows what's happening in my life. These first two weeks, the two songs that have been on repeat for me are "Rivers and Roads" by The Head and the Heart and "Pretty Girl at the Airport" by The Avett Brothers. They're kind of deep, but mellow and describe what I've been feeling: loneliness, missing friends, change, family, and all other feelings accompanying loneliness.

Many others are in disagreement about how college is going so far. Maybe my friends and I are so alike that we are the only ones with this problem, but we can't shake the sad feelings. I also have a theory that other college students experience this sadness later on in the year, but in the beginning revel in the freedom and distribute these feelings into bad habits, like partying and sleeping around.

There is one line in "Pretty Girl at the Airport" that I think accurately describes what I see in simpler terms that I will leave you with:

But everyone I know out here is lonely/Even those that have someone to lie beside at night.