"You Need Me, I Don't Need You"

A lot has been running through my mind these past few weeks, even months, really. I think that's why I've been slacking on my blog recently. I have a whole list of things I want to cover, this post's topic being one of the last on my list. But as I sat in my room at home (finally on winter break!), listening to Ed Sheeran and just thinking, I decided to give this post the priority it deserves.

As cheesy as it sounds, Ed Sheeran was one of my motivators in sitting down to write this. His song "You Need Me, I Don't Need You" (YouTube link at the bottom) really tells his story of how he quit school at 16 to move to London and pursue his dream of song-writing and singing. He's 21 now, and you cannot deny the talent and success he has gained from his hard work and the great risk he took at the age of 16. I look up to him as an artist and hope to gain similar success, for singer/songwriters aren't much different than writers...we're all trying to tell a story in our own way.

That brings me to my current situation. I plan on writing a post in the near future on something that has affected me over the past five years now: chronic migraines. I think a lot of people doubt the severity of headaches and how they can debilitate a person's life, but being locked in my room with pain these past years has allowed me to do quite a lot of thinking (more on that later). I still don't know what causes the pain and after countless medications, I've decided to try something I haven't done for most of my life: doing more of what makes me happy.

I know you're dying to know what I mean, but first I owe a few explanations/excuses/whatever other "e"-beginning word you can think of to describe how my headaches and doing more of what makes me happy relate. 

I found myself in the midst of my first year of college suffering more and more frequently from these migraines even though my classes were going fairly smoothly and weren't particularly difficult in the way I had been warned about in high school. To be honest, I was bored, but I liked being bored. It's difficult to explain, but since elementary school, I had always been involved in extracurricular activities and wasn't ever really able to be bored. Given the chance, I liked it. At least for the time being. 

In my free time and in beginning this blog and joining Twitter, I found many inspirations about my age who were enjoying their time doing the things they loved, whether it be making videos, touring and performing original songs to small or large crowds, or starting their own businesses. I couldn't deny my envy in their endeavors and their opportunities that I felt I was missing and that I so desperately wanted. 

I found in my headaches the undeniably perfect excuse to spend time to pursue my life dream: to make a living out of writing. I want millions to read my work, worldwide, to share ideas and maybe bring solace to those who take written work to heart and have it change their lives, just like it has for me so many times. 

So, I'm taking this next semester off of school. To some it's a surprise, to others it's not, but although my headaches were the main reason for my absence this next semester, it provides the means for me being able to place my full attention on my writing. 

Ed Sheeran said in an interview that he was just trying to be the best artist he could possibly be, not the best singer, or the most esteemed. He said he looked at his inspirations and determined that he just had to work three times as hard to even be close to reaching the same potential as them. (interview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VluS-_21uTE) 

Whether this break leads to my eventual continuous absence from university education or not, I don't know; but I ask this: what's the worst that could happen? I'm not going to be homeless in the near future, I have family that supports me (although I feel they battle between supporting me or hitting me over the head with a good dose of reality), I can always return to school, and more importantly, why not?

Right now, I am more excited to begin writing and don't really have a desire to go back to school, but maybe when my headaches become more manageable, my mind will change. But that's the beauty, isn't it? It's my mind. My decisions. I'm excited. I'm terribly scared of the next year. I have experienced so much but now I want to tell my story. So many people tell me I'm making a mistake. But imagine all of the artists we've lost because they've listened to the naysayers. I'm not saying I'm going to be the next Harper Lee by any means, but I can't refute the results that exist by being the best artist you can be. 

Alexis

Ed Sheeran "You Need Me, I Don't Need You": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXvzzTICvJs